Walking down the street alone, I could only look back and ask myself what exactly went wrong… Life has come a full circle for me. Started as a struggle to make a place for myself in the workplace to achieve the highs on my own terms to now, again trying to rediscover myself in a completely unrelated set-up. The dynamics have changed and so has my attitude towards life. The question I ask myself is whether this change happened because of some specific decisions I took in the past or was it a sheer luck that forced me into a situation I am finding myself in? As a husband and a parent, should I hold myself responsible for the pain these series of wrong decisions have resulted into for my family? Is it convenient for me to just blame the luck factor and try and find solus on wherever I have reached? Is the concept of destiny just a pass I must use for every wrong decision I take in my life? Questions that have no answers…. At least on the face of it.

Even if I get the answers, does this mean I will be able to rectify my past? How do I use this knowledge to shape my future? At this age, is it possible for me to dump my self-esteem and look at the brighter, broader picture to shape the things to come? How can I decide whether the decisions I take going forward would be optimal in every respect? Why do I compare myself with the rest even as I put the theory of optimality as a mark to measure the effectiveness of the decision? How would I know whether my understanding of optimality is the true benchmark? Can this ‘benchmark’ change even at the shortest change in the environment? Is it possible for me to control the environment? Can I at least try and control the environment with just changing my attitude? How would I know whether the so-understood positive attitude is positive in the first place? How will my positive attitude help me psychologically in the future? Does the attitude really help change the future? Since my future is nothing but a series of scenarios based on the decision I take today, does this positive attitude not restrict me in a sense of being content with the decisions I take now hoping for a better future? Why should I be bothered about the future in the first place? Does this future really be subjective? Or is it objective? Do I end up comparing myself to others or will I end up comparing myself in the future with myself of the past? Oh! I land up again in trying to understand the future!

When I consider the past, I always find it more satisfying than my present… and this leads me to ask myself about my materialistic possessions and their impact on my happiness. But what’s this happiness? Is it dependent on my material possessions? Or is it internal? If it is internal, why do I end up spending money to buy happiness? When I buy happiness, does it last for a longer period? How do I define this period as long enough to help me understand the effectiveness of the happy moments? When I buy happiness (say a holiday with my family), it does offer happiness every time I recollect the images of the time we spent together… does this create a ripple in my present to relive that moment again? If it does, have I really ended up buying happiness or have I just created a benchmark for myself to be broken in the future thus resulting in a vicious cycle? Is happiness subjective? Or it is objective? Does success lead to happiness in the long run? Or will it just add another benchmark to be broken in the future to attain another level of happiness?

Can I not find a simple way to live a happy life?


Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Sandeep Bhasin

Ph.D. in Economics, Passionate about Game Theory, a biker, a Father, Son, a brother, a husband, a friend, and unfriend … just like you!